The · useless · Fish · of · God, · Affected · by · the · skepticism · of · a · skeptical · age

ENGLISH 101 TERM PAPER
Mr. Nimrod Idaho State University
Sarah Heath (smiley face)

A FEMINIZT READING OF SHAKSPER'S KING LEER

I dint have time to read King Leer so I red parta the Spark Notes, doggone it. And I gotta tellya, that guy Leer is an old poop. I'd give that mealy-mouth twerp Kordelia a punch in the snoot, because she don't know when to say stuff that will help her, and unpatriotcly invades her own country!!!

But gosh, I rilly admire Gonril and Regan. They are two smart cookies who know what they want and go out and gettit. I dint have time to finish the Plot section o' Spark Notes but I betcha they tossed Leer and Kordellya into jail for good. They are reel feminist gals if ya ask mee and you said to read da text against the grain, whatever THAT means, "as a woman" which I certainly am in case ya haven't noticed!!!!! See ya!!!!! Yur cute!!!!!!

Current Mood:

amused

Just to clarify, I don't believe that Palin's "Christ" has anything to do with the Christ you find in the Bible, a Christ rich in humanity and too complex for her to understand, given the few snippets I've seen of her religious beliefs. She interprets Christ as the judge who will destroy the world in Revelations rather than the one who will bring peace.

Current Mood:	amused
Current Music:	Popular - Cast of Wicked

muskrat_john

Then comes a discussion I had with a fellow geek when I showed him today's DorkTower:

GeekFriend: chuckles
I think I may name the next system on my home domain (or the control) Cthulu
Me: Only if it's going to be a domain controller
GeekFriend: laugh
Me: and a web server, since it's read by many, should be named Necromnicon
GeekFriend: chuckles
same machine
so, name the box Cthulu and the default website name is Necronomicon
Me: <nods sagely>There are those who say that Necronomicon is merely an extension of His Tentacledness into this dimension in a way that doesn't drive humans immediately insane.
GeekFriend: laughs

Current Mood:

amused

( Just in case it has changed and disappears )
How did this happen? It turns out that OpTac International is having a conference there and this is one of the pictures from that site.

Gotta love Google!

location:	Upper Caisse - San Serriffe
Current Mood:	amused

Then, if also an S and an I and a G
And an HED spell side,
There's nothing much left for a speller to do
But to go commit siouxeyesighed.

location:	Upper Caisse - San Serriffe
Current Mood:	amused

the knitting business began to unravel

Here's the scoop. A Greek Convent of nuns started a knitting business, rather popular with the locals. But the felt the need to keep up with the Jonses and bought 6 industrial knitting machines and attended foreign fashion shows. The 55 nuns, known to be a "fiesty" crowd, mortgaged their monastery to pay for their habit <yes, I know, I know, the puns get worse but I'm almost done>

Here's the full story:( read more )

Really, what more can be said? <yes, that really is an open invitation for paronomastics to start commenting>

Current Mood:

amused

"Just through those doors," she said as she pointed.

Incredulously I asked, "In the Garden Center?"

"Oh, yes, that's where the trees are so that's where the wrapping paper and gift bags are. After all, you put the wrapped gifts under the tree," she continued on, blithely unaware of the stare I was giving her.

And it dawned on me that this was a Gracie Allen moment. I love Gracie. The Wikipedia article sums up one part of her charm:

Highly intelligent in real life, her character's humor came from a near perfect ability to misunderstand whatever was said to her. If a word had multiple meanings, Gracie could be counted on to choose the wrong one every time. What made the character so endearing was her good-natured patience with the rest of the world — which clearly wasn't as bright as she was.

Which brings me to Wal*mart™ and the Wally*World®™ manager who was explaining, as though it were the most logical conclusion in the world, that you put the wrapping paper with the trees because that's where the wrapped gifts end up.

<smiling wistfully to the heavens, wondering if George is finally back playing straight-man to Gracie and tipping my hat in recognition of comedic genius>

Good night

Current Mood:

amused

Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words ("For sale:baby shoes, never worn.") and is said to have called it his best work. So weasked sci-fi, fantasy, and horror writers from the realms of books, TV,movies, and games to take a shot themselves.

Moths dreaming of butterflies are beatufiul.

Current Mood:

creative

Download Adobe Reader.

Current Mood:

amused

They decided that the only way to settle the argument was to go find a zen monk and learn from direct experience what the truth was. Then the issue would be settled.

Current Mood:

amused

Aside:
There are contemporary works that lay on the purple prose... take Dan Brown who wrote this gem:
"Almost inconceivably, the gun into which she was now staring was clutched in the pale hand of an enormous albino with long white hair. But I digress and the Albino has work to do so back to the post....

Before clicking, please remove all edible and potable items from your work area. Make sure you have swallowed what ever is in your mouth. Let you co-workers know that you are about to read some pun-ishing works that may cause groans, chortles, chuckles and outright laughter. Anyone who has used up their bad pun quotient for the month should be given direct IV infusions of pun-ch. As always, caveat punster.

You can read the entire lot here but, as I do every year, I'll list the winner and my favorites.

( you have been warned! )

Current Mood:

ecstatic

dracphelan

Don't do anything to hurt your penis. It's better to be embarrased for a moment than damage your child-bearing, urine-flusing member for life.

Current Mood:

amused

“May God give you...For every storm a rainbow, for every tear a smile, for every care a promise and a blessing in each trial. For every problem life sends, a faithful friend to share, for every sigh a sweet song and an answer for each prayer.”
An Irish Blessing

Current Mood:

creative